Valentine’s day is once again upon us and the retail frenzy to get us  to spend money on red hearts and huge expensive gifts is mind boggling.  Romance is not something that you only need to think about once a year, romance and relationships need to be nurtured every day  to help them to grow and become strong and stable.

The following eight steps may act as a guide to help you to nurture and care for your relationship every day of the year.

THINK…
Think before you speak and react. Sometimes it may be useful to just tell your partner that you are feeling angry, upset or frustrated  and would prefer to continue the discussion later once you have managed to get your feelings under control

• LEARN TO LISTEN, LISTEN TO LEARN.
  You can’t argue with feelings.  If your partner has taken the time to work out how they are feeling, respect this and rather than argue and try to insist that they should’t be feeling this way, understand that they ARE and just say something like”I’m sorry that you are feeling this way. “  You don’t have to agree with these feelings, these are your partners feelings and DO NOT have to become yours as well.  Try to put yourself in their shoes and give them the empathy that you would want yourself.

• BOUNDARIES, BOUNDARIES BOUNDARIES.   
  While a good relationship involves honesty, saying every single thing that comes into your mind and sharing every feeling is not conducive to true intimacy or a good relationship. Intruding into your partners every thought and feeling is not going to create greater togetherness. Create boundaries and set limits. Talk about how much contact you can take and how much will leave you feeling smothered.

• REMEMBER IMPORTANT OCCASIONS AND EVENTS.
  Remember birthdays and anniversaries. Whatever the occasion, a card and gift makes people feel remembered, and when people feel remembered they feel loved and closer to one another.  This activity is not about spending money. This is about your partner being the most important person in your life Tune in to your partner’s unique likes and dislikes and acknowledge these in an emotionally generous manner.

• BE POSITIVE, APPRECIATIVE, AND INTERESTED.
  Sometimes people forget to focus on the positives in a relationship. Tell your partner those things you appreciate about them. Reflect on ways in which you are grateful to be with them.

•  RESPECT AND DIGNITY
  Treat your  partner with respect and dignity. Do anything to avoid violence and abuse, verbal, mental or physcial.  If there is conflice remember that there are always two sides to a story and adopt a cordial stance in order to end the conflict. Conflict will happen, but always remember that this is another person you are dealing with and they deserve to be treated with dignity and respect just as you deserve this.  If the conflict is abusive you need to get outside help to support you while you deal with these issues. Abuse shifts the balance of power and control and will not lead to a healthy and balanced  relationship. (Call Lifeline on 131 114 if you are in an abusive realtionship.  Lifeline’s 24 hour telephone crisis support service is available to anyone needing emotional support)

• WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET.
  Partners are doomed to failure when they try to change each other. Accept your partner for who they are and rejoice in the fact that they accept you for who you.

• SHARED EXPERIENCES, INTERESTS AND COMPANIONSHIP BUILD RELATIONSHIPS.
  When people have difficulty getting close with each other, they often try to talk their way through it. Sometimes all the talking in the world cannot replace having a good time with your partner. Make sure to spend time together. When there are children in your lives, make sure you guard your time together as a couple like a hawk. Get away for weekends together. Plan romantic dinners. Focus on intimacy, sensuality, and physicality. Take an interest in your partner’s interests,  You may not want to become actively involved in their hobbies, but you can always be interested.  We all love to share what we are doing  with the person that we share our lives with. Rediscover each other as the friends you started off as, and possibly the most important point is to remember to have fun, and don’t forget to laugh.

RENEW U SUPPORT IS OFFERING A WONDERFUL PAMPER PACKAGE FOR YOU AND YOUR PARTNER TO SHARE. SEE AD ON THIS PAGE FOR INFORMATION ABOUT THIS PACKAGE or call Pippa on 0419040350 for further information about this package or if you feel that you may need  further support with your relationships.